TOGETHER FOR 9 YEARS!
What better occasion than Valentine’s Day, to share my experience and moreover my vision of a couple.
I met Mister Elsa Muse 9 years ago in a 4L during the 4L Trophy, a humanitarian and student trek in Morocco. I wanted to take part but as I left it to the last minute, I didn’t have a teammate. I found myself completely by chance, in close proximity to this Adonis for a week with temperatures of 30 degrees crossing the Moroccan wilderness. It makes you close immediately and even too close. It all started behind a dune! And since then, we have encountered and climbed many hills and mountains…. There is no secret recipe but here is our balance: a complicit independence.
While talking about Fabien and I, my grandparents and even my parents have said several times that we “make an odd couple”. Indeed I go out all the time without him, we can spend several weeks on holidays without each other, we share only a few common friends… these are a few examples that surprise certain people. And yet, our couple works well, we have loved and desired each other for 9 years now.
Esther Perel, a famous psychotherapist for couples, said: “a partner can do many things, but the idea that one person is able to satisfy all your needs, that it’s with this person that you will take care of your dying mum, your children, that you will make love, share your work stress, your personal disarray, intellectual desires, your creativity… you need to get rid of that idea! I think the hardest is the excess of stuff you project on the other! You must accept that your partner will be able to meet some of your needs: sexual, erotic, intimate… or not”
Well, I understood that a long time ago. I understood my boyfriend couldn’t be everything for me that he couldn’t fill in every role. I have to admit, the first two years were not easy. I loved him, we were great together, but I thought he didn’t completely meet my criteria, oh yes… Not enough of a partygoer, not exactly the same interests… but I ended up by changing my idea of Prince Charming, my romantic ideal which was based on the idea of one person to whom one can tell everything and expect everything in return, with whom one can share everything.
Fabien is my love, my lover, my life companion, the person who I can always count on. We are here for each other; we share love, desire, a great complicity and short, medium and long-term projects. Meanwhile I have my friends for partying and evenings out, my associate and other close relations I work with to share the universe of my blog and social networks which take up a good part of my life. Indeed, Fabien is a real home bird and is the least connected person that I know (he doesn’t have Instagram haha)… and it’s perfect like that!
Anyway, all this could mean we would not be able to live together, but I realise these differences that create distances are actually our strengths. He is my pillar, my rock. Together we are well balanced; we complete as well as regulate each other. We are extremely attached to one another but we also stay so free! I think we both enjoy and care about this independency, and to maintain it we accept to trust each other, to not share everything, that each of us keeps his little inner sanctum, all of it with a great complicity.
Another important thing that makes our couple strong is tolerance. When we met, I had a bimbo look, not an androgyny lesbian look like today haha! I know he prefers the first version of me, but he accepts it. Short hair, topless #freethenipple on Instagram… I am glad he supports me in my evolution, but also in my whims and my claims, which are usually far from his ideas. I am very lucky.
I am not saying I have the magic recipe for a happy couple, I don’t think there is any recipe. I just wanted to share with you the way it works for me, for you to understand why he is hardly ever present here and in my digital life in general. Today I am happy to put a little bit of him in this part of my world that he doesn’t share. By the way, the fact he agreed to pose for the photos means a lot to me <3